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this is a space for recent shoots and features and some personal things too. i hope you'll feel like you've gotten to know me and my photos a little bit better.   xx, jacqueline

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The word is starting to be out among family and friends, so it feels like time to share some news – I’m pregnant! And it turns out we’re having TWINS!!! Crazy and awesome and wonderful and whoa!

Pretty funny when the ultrasound lady showed us the heartbeat and it was thrilling to hear and then she said “oh and here’s the other one.” We really thought she was joking and she had to tell us (and show us) over and over again! My mom’s a fraternal twin, so apparently it ups your chances big time when it runs in the family like that. Thanks Mom! This sonogram is their first photo together, from week 8, alongside the cutest little stuffed animal buddies I found recently.

We’ve been hoping to start a family (okay, add to our fur family member, Homer) for a while now and couldn’t be more thrilled that everyone’s healthy so far. The babies are due in early September, but twins come about 3 weeks early, so realistically more like mid-August. Which means we’ll (hopefully) be having a couple of little ones in Bermuda! It’s been a little hectic getting all the big things organized and bought in time to go into our container next week, but the good news is we’ll get there with all our stuff and most of the research and shopping prep work will be done, hooray!

I’m starting to get really excited that this actually seems be happening to us. At the same time, for those of you who are reading this and feeling a jumble of happy for Andrew and I, but at the same time also a little ugh/why isn’t it working for us/heavy feelings in your heart, I totally get you. We started on this journey back in the spring of 2013 and in November of that year, discovered that we were pregnant for the first time. We found out while on the road for a few weeks and we were excited before even having been to the doctor. When we did get to the doctor to check things out around week 6, the numbers didn’t look so good. I started going in for more blood tests and then in week 7, one day, I started feeling pretty bad.

Waves of pain built throughout that awful day and by midnight, I was lying in bed in major sharp pain, googling what could be wrong. The interwebs (not always right, but helpful!) pointed to either an appendix issue or an ectopic pregnancy, where an embryo starts growing anyplace outside the uterus. My appendix has been gone for years, so fearing the latter, I called up my wonderful parents in-law in the middle of the night (Andrew was in Miami for work) and we headed to the hospital. I’m so glad we did, because it turned out that’s exactly what it was. Our little one had been growing inside one of my tubes and had burst through, causing internal bleeding.

So, after one (thankfully very successful) emergency surgery a few hours later, I came home with a very hurty midsection and a heavy heart and Andrew was on the first airplane home. It was a tough thing to recover from, and yes it hurt physically, but more than that, emotionally. It hit us both hard to lose our first pregnancy like that. Over time, the scars started to heal and things got a little easier, but seeing lots of friends and facebook people seeming to become pregnant so easily and appearing to having problem-free pregnancies and flawless babies made me thrilled for them, but also inexplicably sad at times. It was hard to explain to Andrew too, that it wasn’t jealousy necessarily when a publicly shared ultrasound or baby photo would leave me in tears, more just aching at our loss and what might have been.

I’ve debated a lot whether to share our experience so publicly, but mostly, I want to tell everyone who’s gone through or is quietly going through some sort of pregnancy troubles, anguish, or loss – I feel your pain. And whenever you need to, talk about it and let all the feelings out, even if they aren’t pretty. For me, more than anything during that time, just being able to talk (and occasionally ugly cry) about it with those who knew helped a lot.

After a year of some heavy life experiences (and some really good things too!) and lots of love and patience from the close friends and family who shared this ride with us, we’re just super duper excited that things with our twinsies seem to be going well. We haven’t found out genders yet, but would love to. In the meantime, we’re thinking healthy thoughts and crossing our fingers for this new adventure!

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